The Girl with the Missing Identity
by Nairobi-Harper
Summary: Deep down inside, Kimi doesn't know who she is.


Authors note: This one-shot was inspired by my friend Jose-Ramiro's theory. I decided to write it since I'm awake so late, and since I've had the idea on my mind for a while. Idea goes to him.

From the perspective of Kimi.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rugrats, the series belongs to Klasky Csupo.

 **The Girl with the Missing Identity**

Sometimes, late at night, I begin to contemplate on my life. I think of numerous things, such as past mistakes that I certainly regret. In the morning, I usually never worry about it much. I don't see it as much of a thing to worry about.

At the end of the day, the question during my contemplation of my life that keeps me awake the longest is also the most confusing: who am _I_?

Everyone knows that I'm Kimi Finster, but that doesn't really answer my question. Who am I as a _person_?

I really can't answer that. I'd like to, but from all the information, I've gathered so far, I can't. I'd really like to ask someone about it, maybe my mom, but I'm sure they'll think I'm crazy.

I mean, I'm pretty sure that it's not normal for a twelve-year old girl to lay awake at night, wondering who she is, right? People would find that crazy if they _knew_ , so I keep that as a secret to myself. I do know that I don't want people thinking that I'm crazy. Like everyone else, I want people to think good things about me. That's not bad, right? People like me just like compliments, it's no big deal.

I should probably be saying that who I am as a person shouldn't be a big deal, since most people don't figure that out until they're adults or whatever, but I really can't help but wonder. Who is Kimi Finster?

Now, I'll admit that I never had my doubts about who I am until the last few years of elementary school. Before that, I just thought of myself as what most little girls think of themselves as; a smart, pretty, nice girl. Nice I was, indeed. Even I have to admit that I was nicer than I am now back then. Mom always tells me that it was rare to see me showing any other emotion but joy. Nowadays, that's not really the case.

In recent years, I've let my anger out more. That's right. I snap at people now, and I do give people a piece of my mind a lot more. I don't know why, I just feel angrier, and then it just comes out of my mouth. Mom calls it the 'breath of puberty' or something. If there is such a thing, I sure don't like it!

Middle school didn't make things any easier once I started. There were popular girls, makeup, boys, and just all new changes and cliques that I don't want to talk about. If I stayed as nice as I was in pre-school, then I would've been dead meat. That, and my emotions started getting a little more out of control in sixth-grade, which resulted in me almost gaining more enemies than I did friends. My attitude has cleared out a bit more this year, but I'm still working on it.

Really, though, middle school really changed me. There were girls with half-blue hair, more bullies, and I really couldn't keep up. I didn't want to be a mean girl because I _know_ that's not me, and I don't want that to be me, but with all the other choices, I really wasn't sure what I wanted. As a result, I did the only thing my emotions were leading me to do; I lashed out at just about everyone in my life. Just like I said, because of this, I was close to gaining more enemies than friends.

And trust me, oh, boy, trust me, my friends only made things worse. That sounds bad, especially because I actually like my friends, but seems like they almost took just as much of a turn as I did.

I never really realized it before, but it seems like last year, Tommy just became absolutely obsessed with filming, to the point where he started ignoring me. I didn't like that, and became almost harsher with him than I did the others.

I know she didn't mean to, but to me, it felt like Lil just almost left me for Wally. We used to be best friends since we were the only 'main' girls in our friend group, but seems that as of fifth-grade, that's gone. It's sad, but she found an interest in soccer. Soccer isn't exactly my main sport, and I'd prefer watching it over playing it, so I guess that's apart of the reason why she drifted away. Sometimes, I wonder what it'd have been like between us if she hadn't found out that she likes soccer so much. At least we're still sort of friends, though, just not as good of friends as we used to be.

As for Phil, we used to have a lot of fun together in the mud and stuff as little kids, but then the whole dumb cooties thing happened, and since then, we don't talk much. Phil's cool, but in a way, I'm glad we don't, since then the popular girls would just claim that we're dating and spread stupid rumors.

It's just, I feel like everything in my life has fallen apart since I was a baby.

Susie and I are the only ones who still hang out, and are really good friends, and I think I might be starting a friendship with Angelica, even. But, seems that Susie is almost choosing her singing career over me now, since she keeps blowing me off to spend nights singing at the Java Lava, instead of going skating with me.

Speaking of the place, not even the Java Lava is working all that well anymore! Mom and Dad are trying everything to keep the Java Lava up and ready, but obliviously, that's not going to work. We still have customers, of course, otherwise we wouldn't still have the place opened, but it seems that we're losing them. We've held onto the Java Lava for around a decade, that's true, but I'm still not sure if I'm ready to see it fall apart when it does.

I would hang out with Dil, but not only does he kind of creep me out, but I'm not sure if I even want to go anywhere near him until I've figured myself out. I sort of want to hang out with him and find out more about him, but I'm in middle school; do you think that an 'average girl' hanging out with the school freak would look good on me?

My gosh, I sound like _Angelica_ now. I just… I really need to sort myself out, that's the point. Before I go off to high school, I need to figure out where I am at school, and who I am overall.

So, quick summary here before I finally go to bed.

My name is Kimi-Wantanabe Finster. I am twelve years old, and nearly in eighth-grade.

I'm still figuring myself out, and finding out who Kimi Finster really is. I also hope to find out before high school.

The only thing that I really know about myself right now is that I'm confused. _Very_ confused.

I don't have an identity. I hope to find one soon.

I also know that I am confident to end this confusion; I am confident, sometimes.

Well, that's all I know about myself for now. Looks like I only have to see what the future has for me.

 **I think this has been my only Rugrats story without OC's in it so far… wait, no it hasn't, but it's still close! I'm about to head to bed, since I'm going to a party, but have decided to upload two stories for Jose-Ramiro, before I do.**


End file.
